What do you do when you feel like giving up? When you’ve been chasing so many things but still end up feeling empty? When you’re tired of doing the best that you can only end up with nothing. When you think you’re about to reach the peak then it nosedives hard. And what do you do when you feel it While you try your very best to be closer to Jesus? Will you be upset with him or continue to cling on to him? Today I woke up feeling extremely lethargic and downcast.
What is supposed to be a productive day
that I have planned the night before Turned into a day that I forced myself to get up. It dawned on me that it’s about to be 6 years when I left the life I’m used to in order to move to a different country and face the unknown. The unknown that I willingly embraced and anticipated for a while. The unknown that I have prayed for a long time. But little did I know that the prayers that have been answered are Also equipped with a challenge that I still bear up to now. Waiting. God gave me so many blessings for the past years, but why does this one particular prayer Still go unanswered? A few years back when I step on the unknown God whispered something in my heart. I Heard it. I felt it. But I brushed it away. Because I felt unworthy to do it and So I plugged along and set it aside while working my way through something I am confident to do.
“Don’t worry God.
I will do that someday Please let me do my way firsts and when it’s convenient for me I’ll get to that.” So God allowed me to go my own way. You see for the past years, I’ve tried my very best to chase my dreams. I’ve been so focused on it that I was willing to try everything I could and learn all things I can. I experienced both high and lows but nothing matters as long as I have full control. I became so confident in my own abilities. Yes, I pray about it. And I feel God is always helping me But there is that still small voice That keeps haunting me That God has a different task assigned for me. For the past few years, I was drawn into something that I took care of like my own baby.
I gave all my energy and resources
. I am very close to reaping the fruits of my labor. Then, the ball dropped. It all got shattered in a snap. All the hard work I put into the past several years disappeared like a mist in the air. Why did God allow it to happen? I’ve appealed several times But prayer still go unanswered. I was hurt. I saw the previous years I have toiled disappeared in front of me. I shed so many tears as if I am mourning for something. But then, There’s a sense of peace. There’s clarity. There’s a lucidness.
God no need to tell me once more.
I recognized the message this time. I felt it. Loud and Clear. I know it’s time to surrender. It’s time to allow him to use me in ways he wants. It’s frightening, but he knows something I do not. I am fully trusting him and will always have faith that he knows what’s best for me. After all, He is my Creator. Let him lead me to the ways he wants me to go. So God Here I am send me! Now I understand what Paul meant when he said: Three times I pleaded with the Lord To take it away from me But he said to me My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. Truly,